2013

well, i have finally caved and started a blog.  i am new to this whole thing and still trying to figure it out.  i've had a crazy year thus far: learned a lot, cried a lot, traveled a lot, laughed a lot.  over the past two weeks i have had a heavy heart and a mind that has not stopped spinning.

to start off i guess i should tell everyone a little bit about me.  i'm a college student pursuing a marketing degree and just finished my sophomore year.  i cannot believe i am already half way done with college.  i am originally from tulsa, ok but live in a the beautiful big white house on chautauqua ave in norman, ok.  i decided to start blogging because i've been stagnant in my journalling life.  i haven't been able to get myself to journal in quite sometime.  i think it's mostly due to everything that has happened with my family (will explain later) that leads me to questions, and i feel like i am not quite ready to ask them yet to my sweet jesus.  

2013. what a year it has been.  to start off, i have been to chicago, decatur, dallas, tulsa, norman, lafayette, new york city, hanover, bahamas all since the new year.  i love traveling and have enjoyed every second of it.  although that seems like a lot to do in just a short five months, i have also experienced the death of my grandmother and grandfather, and a break up that i never saw coming.  oh, i forgot, i had to take seven final exams on top of it all and ran a half marathon. my life is a whirlwind and i don't know how to settle it down.  

last night as i was driving back from brittany's house i could not contain my tears.  tears of doubt, question, misunderstanding.  she lives far away from me so i was able to do a lot of thinking before i got home.  in this phase of my life, in 2013 i have been seeking temporary things.  my life has been all about the now and short future instead of the eternal glory of our father.  i have been trying to hard to fix a relationship instead of letting the lord mend it for us, and that relationship does not exist.  investing time into someone is draining, especially when they live 26 hours away from you.  i've learned a lot through my years that i spent with him, but most importantly, i've learned that that love is only temporary and the love jesus has for us is eternal and we are his brides.  now with that being said, of course i want to find love again.  it was the greatest aspect of my life.  it's fun to be in love and know someone loves you.  knowing that jesus has had that love for us since the day he died on the cross, no matter where you are in your walk with the lord, he still loves you unconditionally.  

the death of my grandparents took an emotional punch to my family.  it had been somewhat expected for both, but it is never easy to face the reality of death.  i have to rest assured that they are both hanging with our savior and so free from pain.  although it has been a hard time for my family, the way my parents have held strong through it all is remarkable.  each having to experience the death of one of their parents within two weeks of one another and still be able to face the day is incredible.  death is an earthly encounter that we all must go through in order to get to eternal life.  our life here is short and sweet, but walk each day as it is your last.

i had no idea what this first blog would say.  i guess these are all things that have been on my heart lately.  i leave for africa in three weeks so i thought it would be good to start a blog so i can blog about my experience.  i'll tell you more about my trip next time.

natalie